Communicating: Low Context vs. High Context
Communicating goes from low context to high context. What does that mean? It’s basically directness, how explicit or implicit one’s communication style is, but it’s not in an overall sense.
For example, the next dimension, Evaluating, talks about direct negative feedback (or indirect). Right? So this is just whether everything’s out there, whether there’s a lot in between the lines that you need to read or not. Americans are the most low context culture. We say what we mean, we mean what we say, that’s a virtue, and you better like it, right? Everything’s “out there” and we pride ourselves in that. On the other side, you have the Japanese high-context culture; they have a saying of “reading the air,” where the greatest subtlety is involved. The minutiae that they’re able to read volumes from would just completely pass us by. And there’s good reasons for both of those tendencies, both of those types of communicating.
Cultural Backgrounds and Communication Styles
For example, as an American, I have a very young culture. It’s a melting pot. All the people that came together into that melting pot had different unspoken expectations, and they realized, Hey, if we’re actually going to get along, we have to make everything explicit. We have to say things out loud. And we just didn’t have that long to establish things, whereas if you’re a married couple that’s been together for 50 years, just the slightest different change in expression when you ask them, “How are you doing?”–you’re gonna be able to read a book from that.
And that’s–in the case of the Japanese, they’ve had hundreds of years of more or less homogenous culture, and that lends itself to that kind of communication style where you don’t need to say everything out loud. In fact it’d be kind of weird if you had to explain everything every time, right? So one thing that I’ll just throw in here right away: you might think that if you were talking to people that were more on the world stage, more representatives of each of their cultures–let’s say a top Japanese executive and a top American executive–they’re going to be better able to communicate with each other. They’re going to return to some kind of global mean, some kind of universal human characteristics.
The Pitfalls of High-Context and Low-Context Communication
But this is actually not the case. A Japanese executive is going to speak in a more high context manner. There’s going to be more riddles, more unspoken things that you just have to figure out, that you have to sort of co-create in your listening. And then the American executive is going to be more explicit, more able to craft exactly what he means into the words he’s saying. And so that’s something to be aware of. If you’re interacting with someone and you think, Wow, this is a really intelligent person. They seem very cultured but like they’re they’re even more difficult to get along with.
So that’s something to be aware of. Another thing is, you might think that a low context culture and a high context culture–the representatives of each one–that that would be more difficult to deal with than someone from a high context culture and someone else from a different high context culture, but that’s not the case either! Two high context cultures are going to have a more difficult time because, again, they have different sets of unspoken expectations. So what’s the tip here? The tip is: make everything explicit. Do the low-context way of communicating consciously when you’re working in an intercultural situation–in business certainly.
Make that conscious. Get everybody on board with that, and then everybody will know and that’s totally workable. And it’s also interesting just as the way the world turned out: American English, being the language of the most low-context culture, is often used in intercultural situations where there’ll be a group of people, none of whom are native English speakers, but they’ll be speaking English with each other. And because language informs culture, they will start acting out in this low context way. So that’s just an interesting thing that the world just happened to turn out that way.
Evaluating: Direct vs. Indirect Negative Feedback
So now a little bit more about evaluating. I’m an American in Germany, and a German will see the American who’s just who’s actually even lower context than the German is. Germans are also known for being very direct, but the German is also just as direct about negative feedback, and just says what he means and there’s this sense of like, Hey I’m honest! I’m telling you what I mean. I’m not holding anything back. I’m not two-faced. I’m not backstabbing. I’m telling you exactly what I mean. And when the American gives the “compliment sandwich” and says, Well, I like this that you’re doing, I’m so excited about that, but work on this here, but remember that, you know… this compliment sandwich that is kind of Management 101 in America just comes off as like–what’s this song and dance about? Just be real.
Avoiding the Either-Or Trap of Cultural Integration
So the tip that I want to give here is: don’t try to do it like them. If you’re in a culture where they’re giving more direct negative feedback that feels hurtful to you and rude and unrefined: don’t try to do it like them. That is a major pitfall. And it’s part of what I call the “either-or trap of cultural integration.” You don’t want that. You don’t want to either fit in with them or be true to yourself. No, you want to be true to yourself and make micro-adjustments to fit in with them. And this book is an excellent guide for that: Global Dexterity by Andy Molinsky. Really briefly, it basically says: Hey, if you buy a suit, you’re going to make micro-adjustments; it’s got to both look good as a suit, and and feel good on you.
Balancing Cultural Expectations and Personal Comfort
So, in a culture, there’s a “zone of appropriateness”–what’s acceptable in that culture–and there’s your personal comfort zone. And if there’s any overlap–because there are ranges, right–if there’s any overlap, you’re fine. Just find that overlap, stay there. But if there isn’t, make micro-adjustments to make the difference. For example, as a nice Midwesterner, if there’s something I’m having a problem with at work, I can say–to assuage my Midwestern conscience–I could say You know, I really don’t like saying this, but I’ve thought about this a lot–so that’s that’s being good to my Midwestern self–and then let them have it: But this is incorrect, it needs to be fixed immediately. And then they’ll say Oh, he’s real. Oh, thank you! They really like it! They don’t take it personally; they take it like I’m complimenting, I’m honoring them by being forthright. So find those little things and–that’s the way you do it.
So I hope you enjoyed this, and I’ll see you next time for a culture chat!
If these ideas have stirred something within you—if you’re eager to take the reins of your marriage and make a real difference—I warmly invite you to be part of the Relationship Renaissance course on Saturday, September 7th. In just one day, you’ll discover the tools, strategies, and support to build a more profound and connected relationship with your wife.